Wednesday, December 11, 2024

Exactly what I need.

 I’ve spent so much of my life being the strong one—the one who keeps it together when everything feels like it’s falling apart, the one who pushes through even when the weight feels unbearable. 


I’m so used to wearing that strength like armor that I almost forget what it feels like to be soft, to let my guard down. That’s why being treated with kindness means more than words can express. It’s not about needing someone to save me—I can handle the hard stuff—but feeling safe enough to be vulnerable, even for a moment. 


When you’re used to carrying so much, even the smallest acts of gentleness feel like a reminder that I don’t have to be strong all the time, that it’s okay to rest. And sometimes, that’s exactly what I need.




Saturday, November 30, 2024

Unbreakable ❤️

 I know it hurts. I know that you feel it in every ounce of your body. I know that you struggle to smile.  I know that your thoughts are constantly at war with each other. I know that despite the fact that you feel as though you have cried every tear left in your body, there are so many more just under the surface. I know that you cannot bear to see the happiness of others because it reminds you of just how alone you are. I know that you question yourself constantly, why me? I know the chastising thoughts you have towards yourself, why didn’t I see it, why didn’t I change it, why did I stay, why did I let that happen. I know that you question the universe, when is it my turn, when will I be happy, when will this pain end, when will I be enough. I know. I know that there are moments when you feel as though you cannot take another step, another breath. I know the way you hide. Put on that façade of a smile so that others do not know the reality of the pain you live in constantly. I know that you’re angry.  I know that there are moments where your blood boils so intensely you feel as though it will come spewing out of you like lava from a volcano. I know. I know the comfort you find in darkness, in silence, in isolation. I know you feel alone despite how many others are around you. I know it feels as though no one else in the world understands exactly what is going on inside of you. I know that your emotions are a never ending roller coaster of ups and downs. I know that you feel lost. I know that you are so exhausted that every moment of sleep has no impact. I know. I know that every time you take two steps forward something comes along that triggers you and causes you to fall down to your knees. I know you feel defeated. I know. I know that healing is painful. I know that ripping open those wounds of your past cause you to relive your traumas all over again. I know that you feel shame, shame of what you have endured, shame that you cannot get over it like everyone tells you to, shame that it still has a hold on you and your emotions and your life. I know. I know that you are lonely. I know that so often you just want someone to take your hand and hold you in their arms and tell you everything will be okay, tell you that you are enough, tell you that you are worthy of love. I know.  I know all of these things and so much more because I have been there too, I have felt this, I have lived this. I know. And I know just how strong you are even when you don’t feel it. I know that even on your darkest days that light still flickers inside you. I know that no matter how many tears fall you still wipe your eyes and continue on. I know that no matter how much you beat yourself up emotionally, you know at your very core exactly who you are and what you are worth. I know. I know that today even though you may be on your hands and knees, tomorrow you will try again.  I know. I know that you are a Unbreakable. 



Sunday, September 15, 2024

Thriving Forward🫶

Being screamed at in a relationship is not normal.


Being criticized is not normal. 


Being belittled is not normal. 


Being controlled is not normal. 


Being manipulated or coerced is not normal. 


When abuse is all you’ve known, it feels normal. 


But it is not. 


You deserve normal. 


Normal is feeling safe.


Normal is having autonomy


Normal is having security.


Normal is feeling strong.


Normal is experiencing mutual respect.


Normal is being loved to a degree that feeds your very soul. 


Abuse, though devastatingly common, is not normal. 


Once you experience normal, you’ll wonder how you ever lived without it.


Thriving Forward..






Wednesday, September 11, 2024

The Something. 💯

Ladies..

A man calling you babe, baby, or sweetheart means nothing. 

A man buying you expensive gifts means nothing. 

A man becoming your baby father means nothing.

A man moving in with you means nothing 

A man taking you to expensive dinners means nothing, 

Even a man taking you out clubbing every weekend means nothing, and let me shock you, a man marrying you also means nothing.

What truly means something is, a man who genuinely respects, values and supports you and changes himself, his lifestyle and his ways just to keep you.

That my dear, is what truly means something.

















Tuesday, September 10, 2024

Kindness for weakness.

Yes, I can be the most difficult person you will ever meet. I have my faults and I have my baggage. I can go from this is the best day of my life to I just want to be alone in 5 seconds flat. I can be moody and temperament and how I feel changes faster than anyone can keep track. I am emotional and I feel things very deeply. I walk a thin line between what I should say and how I should act and how I feel. 


I have very high standards and I hold the people I care for in high regard. If you tell me you are going to do something I expect you to keep your word. Do not tell me you will (or will not) do something and turn around and do it anyway. 


I do not like grey areas, I believe everything should be black and white. I can detect a lie from a mile away. If I think you're lying to me I shut down. 


Sometimes I'm wrong and I over think things but most of the time my intuition leads me in the right direction. Like I said, I have faults but there are things about me that make my hard times worth dealing with. I may be emotional but that's because I care very deeply and when I give you my love it's all or nothing. 


I don't do anything halfway. I'm the girl you can call at 2am and I am still going to be the same compassionate person I would be at 2pm. If you are part of my life you know that I give people way more chances than they deserve but when I'm done, I'm done.


 If I have ever loved you, I will always care about you even if I stop loving you. When I decide I want something I go for it. I may come off as pushy but I'm just not subtle. I will do anything for the people I love and will give up things that matter to me to make them happy but the second I feel like you wouldn't do the same for me I stop giving up who I am for you. 


Sometimes my kindness gets mistaken for weakness but the more you get to know me you will see I am far from weak. The best part about being an emotional wreck is that when all is said and done, I'm going to be ok. It may take awhile but I can get through anything. And last but not least, I am the kind of person you either love or hate. If you can't handle me as I am, then don't waste my time.



Sunday, August 25, 2024

Less Lovable.

And someday, you will find that pair of arms where it is okay not to be strong.


A pair of arms where you can take your armor down. Where you can be nakedly vulnerable. Where you can unmask your skin, shout your burdens, and release your pain. Where you can stop pretending tireless. Where you can pause in being a fighter and surrender for once. Where you can rest your tired soul. Where you don't have to hold back your tears. Where you don't have to quiet down your hurt. Where you can always show your weak spots.


And when you find it, you'll realize that a pair of arms that is meant for you will allow you to be weak but will not find you less lovable.



Wednesday, August 21, 2024

I know it hurts.

I know it hurts. 

It’s a very strange feeling how someone can be in your life for months or even years and then one day all of a sudden not be there anymore. 

Maybe the relationship ended on good terms. or maybe it was completely catastrophic.

Either way it’s so bizarre how relationships can change so vast and rapidly. 

And you know what, you may not be at peace with what happened between the two of you and thats perfectly fine.

Sometimes the end of a relationship can literally be one of the hardest things we go through in life.

I want you to know it’s okay that your heart still hurts because of what happened. 

You have made a lot of memories with this person.

And these memories that you have made is something you can’t erase no matter how hard you try. 

Whether you like it or not, they are a part of your story.

I know looking on these memories can be hard, and you may wish you could forget them.

But instead of forgetting, maybe we should try to focus on what came from the relationship.

You two joined paths for a particular reason.

Maybe you walked through some of the hardest times together.

Maybe you understood each other in a way no one else ever did.

Maybe you encouraged one another to be strong or to embrace who you genuinely were as a person. 

Or maybe your relationship with them opened your eyes to what you truly needed in your life.

Regardless of what the reasoning was, it’s okay to acknowledge that. That person meant a lot to you.

And it's okay if they still do.

It’s also okay that they aren’t in your life anymore. 

What a lot of people don't understand is, not every relationship we encounter will last a lifetime. 

You shouldn't be lingering in the past questioning why everything happened the way it did. 

What you need to do is to take what you've learned from that relationship and move forward in your life. 

Knowing there are other relationships that will give you exactly what you've always dreamed of and more. 

I need you to know that you're not going to feel this way forever. 

You will continue to move forward and you will continue to grow with everyday that passes. 

Remember,

"Sometimes the people you wanted as part of your story, are only meant to be a chapter."



Monday, August 19, 2024

High Standards.

Nobody talks about this. Nobody talks about after you finally heal from a traumatizing relationship.


When you have taken the time to concentrate on yourself and you are finally in a place where you're done healing and you are ready to step out into the dating world again, it's nearly impossible to find someone because you see the red flags in everybody.


You see so many things you're not willing to compromise with because you actually trust your intuition. 


You can see when things are an issue with people, and you know you won't be able to get over it later on in that relationship.


So you don't allow your feelings to get in the way of logic and just cut it off before it even gets to that point.


Then you realize how many people aren't actually working on themselves and are just seeking a shallow connection. 


They aren't even looking to improve themselves as a partner in a relationship, and they think their perfectly fine the way they are.


So there's no room to grow into a relationship together because they are already set in their ways.


It's a little exhausting at times because you also feel lonely during all of this and that sadness can take a toll on you but you have to remember one thing .....


It's better to be single with high standards than in a relationship settling for less.



Wednesday, August 14, 2024

She is POWERFUL.

Here is a truth you often don’t hear: Traumatized women have the potential to become the most powerful people in this world.

The most ignorant members of society call this type of woman “damaged.” But she is the most powerful type of woman there is.

What they forget is that survivors have the most dangerous advantage of all: resilience.

When you try and you try but you can never bring a woman down, you’ll know there is no going back.

Don’t fool yourself. You could never defeat her. You never will.

This is the woman who will always rise from the dead; Lady Lazarus, after going through hell and back.

This is the woman who has burned her feet in the flames time and time again and always lives to tell another tale – even if she has to crawl back to life. . . .

When someone tells her, “You can’t do it,” she says, “Watch me.”

She is fiery light birthed out of wintery darkness. Brought into the underworld by Hades, Persephone brings forth spring and rebirth when she reemerges finally from the cold.

She owns her shadows and seamlessly weaves them into the fabric of her freedom, creativity, imagination and independence. . . .

She lived all of her nightmares in high definition. She was given every reason to give up, handed every justification to never believe in herself or anyone.

But there is raw magic in the ways in which she cultivates a faith in herself, to manifest the dreams her soul was meant to bring forth.

Despite it all, she still conquers.

She still survives and thrives.

The “damaged” woman is capable of immense manifestation not just in spite of, but because of the traumas she has gone through.

There is no one more motivated than a woman who has constantly been told what she cannot do or who she cannot be throughout her lifetime.

There is no one more determined to succeed than someone who has nothing left to lose.

The “damaged” woman doesn’t sign up for the hardships of her journey – but she plays the hell out of the cards she’s been dealt.

The “damaged” woman is not damaged at all – she is wounded, and in channeling and healing her wounds, she becomes the source of incredible energy, the site of unbelievable potential for abundance and change.

She possesses the power to use her wounds for the greater good and her highest good.

She builds her own success and becomes her own rugged hero; tends to her own scraped knees.

She uses every stone thrown at her to build the foundation for her empire.

Brick by brick she builds – and despite every attempt to tear her walls down, she rescues herself again and again.

Despite it all, this type of survivor may still face hatred, envy, greed from those around her. . . .

As a result, she becomes the survivor of countless witch hunts, the target of many persecutors. Yet when they try to burn her at the stake, she does what comes naturally: she resurrects herself. . . .

Now when she creates, she creates new worlds and transforms and manifests on a level that cannot be recreated by someone who never had to struggle to survive.

When you hear the voice of a powerful survivor and the will of a warrior – there is nothing you can do but to stop and listen.

She is the voice of a million lifetimes lived.

She is the voice of the hopeless and the powerless when the fire is brought back to their eyes. She is the harbinger of the justice that the voiceless have longed to hear and feel and touch.

Regardless of how much you try and how it may seem, you can never truly bring a survivor like this to her knees; she already knows the value her scars bring.

She knows how to fill the cracks between her wounds with gold.

She knows how to transform each bitter word cast upon her into an iron-clad will that will set her and other caged birds free.

You can’t ever defeat a “damaged” woman, because she knows exactly how to save herself.

SHE IS POWERFUL.



Monday, August 12, 2024

Love visited me. 🔑

Patience visited me

And it reminded me

That good things take time to come to fruition

And grow slowly with stability


Peace visited me

And it reminded me

That I may remain calm through the storms of life

Regardless of the chaos surrounding me


Hope visited me

And it reminded me

That better times lay ahead

And it would always be there to guide and uplift me


Humility visited me

And it reminded me

That I may achieve it

Not by trying to shrink myself and make myself less

But by focusing on serving the world and uplifting those around me


Kindness visited me

And it reminded me

To be more gentle, forgiving and compassionate toward myself

And those surrounding me


Confidence visited me

And it reminded me

To not conceal or suppress my gifts and talents

In order to make others feel more comfortable

But to embrace what makes me me


Focus visited me

And it reminded me

That other people’s insecurities and judgements about me

Are not my problem

And I should redirect my attention

From others back to me


Freedom visited me

And it reminded me

That no one has control over my mindset, thoughts and wellbeing

But me


And love visited me

And it reminded me

That I need not search for it in others

As it lies within me.



Sunday, August 11, 2024

That's the ONLY way🌟

You don’t heal by going out & drinking to forget. 

You don’t heal by pursuing a bunch of meaningless connections. 

You heal on the evenings when you sit alone with your thoughts and on the weekends when you have no plans. 

Those solo car rides with the music up really loud mixed with the sound of your singing because nobody is listening. 

Through tears, difficult mornings, & multiple sleepless nights. 

You heal by doing all of the hard work. 

That’s the ONLY way. ✨



Friday, August 9, 2024

Marry up.

 NARCISSISTS DATE UP AND MARRY UP...

And here's why I think that is. By doing so, the narcissist wants someone who will make them look good....it's as if they are saying, “See who I'm with. I'm a heck of a person.” And you have something else the narc wants, such as your finances, or a willingness to stick with it at all costs. 

Often, the narc thinks you are an upgrade over the other supply, and they'll get more from you. It's never about what the narc says it's about...such as love. With the narc, it's always about getting, not giving. Narcs are takers, and we are givers, so you can see why things go wrong.  

Then, since you are above the narc, they have to run you down privately and perhaps to others when you don't realize it, simply because the narc knows you're the better person. 

It's weird, but in the narc's mind, you have to be demeaned, put down and belittled SO THE NARC FEELS AT YOUR LEVEL, or even better than you are. But, in reality, the narc knows the truth.

What else did you notice...what did the narcissist have to gain by being with you?



Tuesday, July 30, 2024

I did it.

I can still remember the time when I begged for love. I lost my colors. I settled for the "maybe", the "I'll see if I can" and the "I'm tired". I endured the pain of every no, and over time I started to believe that maybe, just maybe, that's what I deserve. That I should just be grateful for the rare "yes" and just sit in the corner waiting.


It took some time, but when I finally realized that I'm slowly turning into this broken soul I always feared to be, I tried my best to get up and walk away. Step by step, I dragged my feet, and that's when I learned that one of the most difficult things to do in life is to walk away from things that you've always wanted. But I did it.


I did it because every day seemed like it's raining and I wanted to see the sun again. I did it for the days when I would laugh so hard my stomach would hurt. I did it because I wanted to believe that despite the messed up person that I am, despite all the scars and the holes in my chest, I deserve another shot at happiness.


I know it took a while, but I couldn't be prouder.


I did it.




Sunday, July 28, 2024

Be Careful 🧐

Be careful about having relationships with people with no emotional intelligence. They will never understand you, they will personalize everything,and you will never be seen and heard. 


Be careful about having relationships with people who can't regulate their emotions you will always be at the mercy of their rages, and bad moods. 


Be careful about having relationships with people with no self awareness, they have no idea how their behavior affects the people around them, so it's a matter of time before you get hurt. 


Be careful about having relationships with people without empathy, they will never see or care about how you feel. 


If no one has ever told you, I am telling you now.


Look for people in your life with emotional intelligence, self awareness, empathy and the ability to regulate their emotions or you will be at the mercy of their dysfunction and pay the price for their immaturity and lack of growth.




Tuesday, July 16, 2024

Would my?

 

I am taking a new manifestation course and I wanted to share this with you.




1. Would my higher self approve of the people I allow in my life? 




2. Would my higher self like how I treat myself currently?




3. Would my higher self be proud of the decisions I am making today?




4. What would my higher self tell me If I told them I was struggling? What advice can you hear she is telling you?





Wednesday, July 3, 2024

Commitment 🫶

 

Sometimes I wonder if this generation understands what it truly means to remain committed to each other.

Commitment is bringing your ass home and remaining loyal to your partner even when you both don't see eye to eye on certain days. 

Commitment is continuing to work hard on your relationship even when the romantic mood has already left. 

Commitment is truly being a ride & die for your partner when tough times almost get the best of them.

Commitment is being your partner's sunlight during their darkest hours. 

Commitment is reassuring your partner that they will be ok even when the doctor’s diagnosis doesn't look good.

Commitment is walking by your partner's side through a storm the same way you do when the sun is out. 

Commitment is waiting on your partner hand and foot when they cant do for themselves. 

Commitment is being the calm one in an emergency when you see your partner freaking out.

Commitment is never giving up on your relationship, and making a real effort to see your partner smile.

Commitment is overcoming everything together, and loving each other until your last breath. 




Monday, June 10, 2024

A different death.

Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist is not like a regular breakup.


People always ask victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse the same questions.


"Why can’t you just move on?"


"Why can’t you get over it?"


"Why are you still thinking about this person who treated you so bad?"


 And what alot of people don't understand is......you can’t verbalize why, because you don't even know where to start.


The fact that you fell in love with someone that never existed and now you have to mourn the loss of them.


 The fact that they conditioned you to be someone that you don’t even recognize in the mirror anymore.


 The fact that you can’t explain the guilt that you feel for letting go of this person that made you feel like it was your only job on earth to save them. 


The fact that you can’t explain the anxiety and loneliness that you feel from not having them there because they were the person that soothed you after they abused you.


The fact that you can’t explain that even though they lied to you and fed you empty promise after empty promise, that you still had a fraction of hope in your head that maybe they can change.


Or maybe it's the fact that you can't explain the anger that you have towards them because you can’t let go of knowing that you were manipulated by them since day one. 


Ending a relationship with a narcissist is traumatizing to say the least, but you're very capable of recovering from such an unfortunate chain of events. 


You have to accept the reality that this narcissistic person never loved you. 


They used you to fuel their admiration, and they needed you to reflect their magnificence because they never truly felt it about themselves. 


You also have to realize it's not that you're unlovable, but it was the person you were with, that was incapable of loving anyone including themselves. 


Take my advice and remember.... if you're in a relationship that makes you question your own value, you need to reconsider the appraisers in your life. 







Thursday, June 6, 2024

We Weep.

 There are nights when I get emotional for no reason at all, and somehow I'd like to think that it's my heart weeping for my dreams that didn't come true. I guess I'd been so used to people talking about how painful a broken heart is, but this kind, I've come to learn, is something that hits differently. Time may make it feel better, but little random moments remind me of those things that I used to pray for, I used to work hard for, that I had to let go because they just weren't working out no matter how hard I try—and then I break a little.

I know that in life, finding contentment in what we have is key to happiness. But maybe the heart really doesn't forget. Maybe the stars do weep at night. Whatever the case is, my little hope is that those dreams I had to let go, those little things that shine and that person I so wished to have become, I hope that they're all broken pieces of the puzzle and one day, they will fall into their rightful place to show me something more beautiful than what my heart could ever ask for.




Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Be Chased.

 Never force a relationship.

Sometimes it's better to move on, than to hold on to a person who doesn't understand who you truly are. Unfortunately there will be times where your absence will teach you what your presence cannot.

You need to stop breaking your own heart in trying to make a relationship work that clearly isn't meant to work to begin with. 

You can't force someone to genuinely care about you. 

You can't force someone to be faithful to you.

You can't force someone to be the person you need

them to be.

The truth is, sometimes the person you want the most is the same person you would be best without.

You have got to understand some things are meant to come into your life, just not meant to stay.

Everything that you do to show love, you have to be careful, not to lose yourself by trying to fix what should never been there in the first place. You can't get the relationship you need from someone who's not ready to reciprocate the love you give to them.

I know it's hard when you meet someone and your heart feels, that's the person you could spend an eternity with, and you start to accept that they are not that person you thought they needed to be.

And no matter how many times you cry yourself to sleep at night, you will eventually heal from your previous relationship and find the one you have always longed for. Your future will now bring an understanding of why things didn't work out in your previous relationships.

One thing I have learned throughout the years, is “It is better to be single than to be in a relationship settling for less.”

If they see you as an option, then they don't deserve to be a priority in your life.

Take my advice and never chase someone who's not chasing you.




Sunday, June 2, 2024

YOU. 👊

 You cannot wait for someone’s apology as your permission slip to move on.⁣⁣

—A compassionate & firm reminder for those left without closure.


Sometimes—and this is a hard truth that someone out there may be ready to integrate—that apology never comes.⁣


Yes, it would be great if they at least recognized how much pain they put you through. But you cannot continue putting your life on hold, waiting for something that may never come. ⁣⁣


The more you continue to live with the “what could be,” the less you are able to finally surrender to the reality of “what is” and, with grace, begin moving forward.


Here’s some good news & a little known fact:⁣⁣


You don’t need somebody else to reach closure within yourself. ⁣⁣


You don’t need to wait for them before you start giving your heart the care and attention it badly needs right now (really).⁣⁣


And let’s face it: nothing they say can make the hurt just magically disappear.


You deserve someone that actually take care of you: YOU.




Monday, January 1, 2024

2023 ❤️✌️

 I don’t know about you, but for me, 2023 was a year of dodging the punches. It was a year of endurance and sticking to my foundations. It was a year of relearning and learning.


Today, as we close this chapter, I want to share some of the things that I’ve learned.


This year…


I learned to stop overcompensating in order to make people feel comfortable in their inconsistencies, in their lack of progress, in their unwillingness to change.


I can only help people, but I can’t do their part for them.


I learned there’s beauty in allowing people to think the wrong thing about you. As long as you are doing right, those people are simply showing what type of people you need to keep out of your life.


I can only do right, I can’t make anyone else do right by me.


I learned that it’s not the bad times that destroy relationships, but how and what is communicated and isn’t communicated that does the most damage.


Suppressed and unexpressed feelings often find a way out one way or the other.


I learned to trust myself beyond the doubts and that doubting myself is part of the process itself.


Doubt is just a roadblock, not a sign that you’re going the wrong way.


I learned to express what hurts without any expectations.


Whether someone acts on what I’m asking for or not, it’s on them. What’s on me is communicating and setting boundaries.




Her reflection is your creation.

A woman mirrors what she receives. Treat her with love, and she'll give it back tenfold. Stand by her, and she'll stand by you even ...