Here Still.

 Being aware that I am not the only one who's grieving still for a long while now is somehow comforting. I thought I was the only person stuck on that certain situation—I felt like I was on my own standing on the same spot and position; I was wrong. There are people alike me who still couldn't find the right words to describe a pain they've been—and still going—through; there are ones who share the same emotions I have, that we have moved forward with life but once reminded that a specific instance had happened and it caused too much torment, we feel like we really didn't get pass through the happenstance, like we never started the healing journey—but we really did. It just that, feeling this way is also part of the process—I needed to accept this truth. 

And I no longer blame myself for being like this—I think it will always be part of who I am as a person. I just need to be reminded at times that yes, I was in deep pain, but I kept going; I may see myself as someone who never moved on from that agony, but others saw me thrived. I've come a long way to be here still. 

The Enemy ♥️

 Be careful who you jump in relationships with, cause you could be entering a contract with a demon... The enemy knows what you like and what you're looking for... And the enemy will send you pain GIFT WRAPPED so beautifully.... When you first meet the person they will look good af, smell good, say all the right things to sweep you right off your feet... They will do every and anything right to be tied to your soul... And as soon as they have you caught up in the illusion of who they pretend to be outwardly and your guard is down, you will begin to see the beautiful wrapping fall off, and you will soon discover they’re broken, loaded down with trauma, set in their ways, don't want to heal or feel the need to heal and they rather inflict the pain they feel onto others so they can have company to soak in the misery with them... And your whole world will be flipped inside out.. Outwardly they possess all the things you want but inwardly they're ugly, stink and speak with hate in their words.. Remember the enemy job is to steal, kill and destroy, and that's the reason the enemy sent them to you as a Gift was because your heart is too pure you're always trying to fix someone whose broken cause you know what it feels like to be broken... So their job is to steal your happiness & your peace, kill your pride, your judgement and destroy your foundation so you can be unstable in all your ways.... But it's time to stop trying to fix what you didn't break because in the long run you're going to be the one left broken and drained.... SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO RETURN TO SENDER PEOPLE TOO... Because they weren't sent by God to love & uplift you, but by the enemy to destroy you...

Growth 💗

 Some men aren't for you.

They don't want to love you properly at all, but at the same time they don't want to let you go.

 The more you give to them, the less they unfortunately appreciate, and the minute you've had enough and decide to walk away is when they are ready to love you and treat you right. 

So you decide to give them a chance in the hopes they've changed only to realize they only changed for a very short period of time.

You finally find the strength to walk away and here he comes again, proclaiming his love for you. 

 What a lot of people don't understand is that if a man shows anger and persistence to get you back once you try to break it off isn't proof of love at all.

 A man trying to flatter you or making weak attempts to be "nicer" for a couple weeks isn't proof that he's trying, its proof that he knows you well enough to know how to defuse you long enough to hook you once again. 

  Lets put it this way....

 If you take a childs toy away from them, the child begins to cry. 

 Same goes for the relationship... If you take away a relationship of convenience, a man begins to cry. Just because he cries doesn't mean you give him what he wants.

 Stop listening to what your man keeps promising you and start watching what his actions keep telling you. 

 A lot of women don't know what its like to be loved by a real man. 

 You know lust, you know joy, you know passion and you know the fear of abandonment. 

 Stop chasing your idea of what love should be and recognize what love actually is.

 Love isn't promising to act right after he gets caught screwing up time and time again. 

Love is him acting right from the very beginning because he doesn't want to lose you because he knows how truly special you are.

Love isn't telling your grown man he needs to change so he can keep you, love is a grown man changing on his own because he cant imagine life without you.

So take my advice and choose to be loved properly and always no matter what..... remember your worth.

Stop doing this.

 Stop doing this. 

Stop teaching your partner .... how to be your partner.

Don't ask them to text you throughout the day to check on your mental health. 

Don't ask them to make a reservation at your favorite restaurant unannounced. 

Don't ask them to make you a warm bubble bath after you had a long day after work. 

Don't beg them to acknowledge your existence. 

The right person will do all this and more. 

Find someone who has has always dreamt about having someone like you .... ever since they were a child. 

Find someone that shows you how much you truly mean to them with every day that passes. 

Find someone who not only says "I love you" but proves it to you with their actions.

Find someone who hurts other people's feelings to protect yours. 

Find someone who supports your dreams and life goals.

Find someone who knows it's not about giving you the world, but to only make you a priority in theirs. 

Find someone who chases you long after .... they already have you. 

Find someone who traces the valleys and crevices of your body with their fingertips to remember every detail about you when they miss you. 

Take my advice and wait for this person ... because the longer you entertain what's not for you ..... the longer you postpone what is.

Did you jump?

 Relationship lessons I have learned throughout the years. 

When you meet someone and they show you their true colors, don't try to repaint them. 

When you try to save a toxic relationship or an abusive person, that is called a trauma response. 

Your relationship doesn't need to make sense to anyone except you and your partner. 

It's a relationship, not a community project.

Always believe people when they show you who they truly are. 

Many times what we call "Giving people the benefit of the doubt" is our way of disrespecting our own boundaries with a delusional belief that they will change. 

Always pray to God for guidance in your relationship. 

Always having effective communication in crucial. 

Communication is more than talking on the phone for countless hours at night before you decide to fall asleep. 

Its the quality of the conversation that truly matters. 

If your absence doesn't affect them, then your presence never mattered. 

The moment when you start to wonder if you deserve better.. You do.

A person's morals, standards and mindset will be the qualities that will be raising your children. Those are the things that will make them a good spouse and parent. Not their looks, so choose wisely.

Pursue a relationship with someone that knows the smallest details about you. Like the time you wake up, how you like your coffee, your favorite smell, your love language, what movies make you cry.

Never settle for the bare minimum. 

Take my advice and stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't jump over a puddle for you.

You can't force someone..

 Never force a relationship.

Sometimes it's better to move on, than to hold on to a person who doesn't understand who you truly are. Unfortunately there will be times where your absence will teach you what your presence cannot.

You need to stop breaking your own heart in trying to make a relationship work that clearly isn't meant to work to begin with. 

You can't force someone to genuinely care about you. 

You can't force someone to be faithful to you.

You can't force someone to be the person you need

them to be.

The truth is, sometimes the person you want the most is the same person you would be best without.

You have got to understand some things are meant to come into your life, just not meant to stay.

Everything that you do to show love, you have to be

careful, not to lose yourself by trying to fix what should never been there in the first place. You can't get the relationship you need from someone who's not ready to reciprocate the love you give to them.

I know it's hard when you meet someone and your heart feels, that's the person you could spend an eternity with, and you start to accept that they are not that person you thought they needed to be.

And no matter how many times you cry yourself to sleep at night, you will eventually heal from your previous relationship and find the one you have always longed for. Your future will now bring an understanding of why things didn't work out in your previous relationships.

One thing I have learned throughout the years, is “It is better to be single than to be in a relationship settling for less.”

If they see you as an option, then they don't deserve to be a priority in your life.

Take my advice and never chase someone who's not chasing you.

Believe one day..

 Maybe right now you have to realize that your journey is not about loving another person

Maybe right now, you have to love yourself first and feel the inner peace of being alone

Maybe right now, you need to figure yourself out and ask yourself why you're rushing the things that can wait

Maybe this is the time to learn how to sleep at night without expecting someone to say goodnight and waking up tomorrow with smile and forgiveness

In that way you will value your personal space and you can give yourself the permission to do your passion and achieve your dreams without worrying about time. 

Maybe right now you are being taught that you can take care of your soul and you don't need anyone else to do it for you.

Maybe today marks the beginning of the new version of you, someone that will not rent some space in other person's heart. Because darling, I believe that you can be your own home. A home that will satisfy all your needs and wants. A home that will never get abandoned. And I hope someday you will learn to believe it..

Love conquers all?

 The right one will love you. 

Finding someone who genuinely cares about you and your well-being is extremely hard to find this day and age.

Time and time again I hear about someone walking away because things became "too hard"

You deserve someone who fights for you when things get difficult, and they aren't gonna be like "you know what? it's over" and throw everything away.

If that person really values you, there's no such thing as you being "too complicated".

 There's no such thing as you being "too crazy". 

There's no such thing as you being "too much". 

The right person will love you unconditionally and they will be willing to make it work, despite what the obstacle is and whatever the problem may be, because losing you is never an option.

No argument is going to push them away far enough, no fight is going to cause them to lose feelings, and no disagreement is going to make them drift away from you.

No matter how bad things get, they would never let it outweigh how much he or she cares about you. 

No matter how dysfunctional things become, they would never let it take away the value of your relationship with them. 

Take my advice and remember. A person who truly values you, would never put themselves in a position to lose you. 

Dear Me,

 Dear me,

I'm sorry that you tried so desperately to fix others, when your own hands were shaking. I'm sorry that I didn't give you enough time to heal, that I let you seal the wounds of everyone else whilst your own were bleeding. I'm sorry that there were days when smiling hurt but you forced yourself to laugh so that no one had to worry about you. 

I'm sorry that you gave all of your time and effort to people that didn't give the same amount back. 

I'm sorry that there were nights when you cried yourself to sleep and no one bothered to understand why. 

And I am so sorry that I did not love you, like you deserved to be loved.

Waiting for that someone..

 Find someone who's Real. 

Find someone who wants to authentically learn who you are as a person. 

Find someone who lets you know from the very beginning, if they have genuine intentions. 

Find someone who isnt just a " lover ", but a friend, a partner, a mentor, someone who you can come to when life is so hard, and you feel like giving up and they are there to pick you back up on your feet. 

Find someone who respects you and your children.  

Find someone who shows you the definition of effort. 

Find someone who takes a day off work when you're sick to make sure you're taken care of. 

Find someone who motivates you to do better in life because relationships are more than just falling in love. It's about inspiring each other to become better versions of yourselves day in and day out. 

Find someone who is patient with you and are guided by morals and reasoning. 

Find someone not only to love, but someone to grow with, learn from and to share new experiences with. 

Find someone who's willing to understand you. 

Find someone who admits when they are wrong. 

Find someone who understands it's not about giving you the world, it's about making you feel like you're the only one in it. 

Loving the wrong person

So many people are suffering in relationships today because they refuse to let go of the person they are currently in a relationship with.

 They know the relationship isn't working, but they refuse to leave because they feel they might be able to change the person.

 They believe they are willing to go to any length to ensure that the person continues to "love them".

 The hardest aspect is that they are doing everything in the hopes that the person would change, even when the person has no intention of changing in the first place. 

 If you're in a relationship right now where the person is causing you more grief than happiness, then it's time to let them go. 

 Accepting that things aren't working is the best approach to avoid getting hurt more in this type of relationship. 

 It's crucial to admit to yourself that the relationship is in disrepair.

 I see so many people that are suffering in their current relationships because they refuse to face the reality of its true nature.

 If your current relationship isn't working, do me a favor and don't force it, the more you force it, the more you will end up hurting yourself in the long run. 

 Nobody can take your happiness away if you don't want it taken away. Your happiness is in your hands; your happiness is dependent on you.

 If you don't want others to continue to mistreat you. you have the power to stop them. 

Take my advice and have the courage to leave the table when respect is no longer being served.

Passing Thru🙃

Nobody has the slightest clue about the war she is going through.

They don't know about the countless battles she fights inside her head with every day that passes. 

They don't know about her pillow wiping away her tears when nobody else would. 

She's emotionally exhausted to the point where she feels nearly broken. 

Yet she is the one who always tries the hardest to make others happy because she knows what it's like to feel completely worthless.

So she does everything in her power to make sure nobody else feels the same way. 

No matter how she is treated or what life decides to throw at her, she still manages to keep a smile on her face for everyone around her. 

And she shares her good heart and kindness with anyone in need.

Even though in spite of all this .... she knows she's the one who truly needs it the most.

Worth It 🩷

The truth is that growing up is heartbreaking. You always find yourself running- from one place to another; and no matter where you go, there's always an urge in the back of your mind to suddenly pack your bags and leave without giving anyone a notice. I haven't prayed in my life, not really but for once I would like this anxiety, this trauma, this helplessness to take a backseat. For once, I would like to know what life is like without fears. It is impossible, I know that. It's not easy to forget something that has become a part of you. Still, someday I hope to go alone on a long drive and stop in a field of wildflowers. I hope I smell the earth, see the blue sky, watch little butterflies sitting on plants and there's no rush to go back. I have never known a home that had enough space to fit all of me. I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that some day, I will be able to build a home for myself and fill it with all the things I love. And when I break apart, I have arms around me to hold me and pat my back. I won't live forever. One day, I will vanish and nobody will say my name again and think of me. But right now, I am here. Right now, I am living and I wish to live a little more. For myself. There's a vast orange sky over me, filled with my hopes and dreams. And I hope I get to know what it's like to live right under it.

If the day I am praying for ever arrives, 

all this wait will be worth it.

Good Hearted Woman 💔

Do you ever talk to girl and wonder why she's so sensitive about certain topics?

How about why she is so caring to everyone? 

Do you ever wonder why she is so willing to give so much of herself with no expectation in return? 

It's because she doesn't make you work very hard for the attention she gives you. 

It's because she accepts the love she thinks she's earned while you accept the love you think you're entitled to. 

It's because she accepts the apologies you don't mean, she forgives the mistakes you don't learn from, and she forgets the misery you don't stop bringing. 

Because of her good heart, she's been making excuses for you every single time you hurt her.  

She's been looking past how cruel of a person you are, and she's been ignoring the idea of leaving you because she's just not that kind of girl to give up on you. 

She trusted you too easily, she got attached to you too quickly, and she fell for you too soon and she knows exactly what she has done, but she can't help it. 

 She just has a heart that can always see the good in someone and not let your imperfections determine whether or not you're good enough for her. 

It also makes her believe that you also have a good heart and you're capable of meeting every expectation she has because she would do the same for you.

 But let me explain something to you.......

 Here's what you should be afraid of.

You should be afraid of the day, a good heart gives up on you because once this happens, then you've truly lost something more valuable and precious than anything you will ever encounter.

So if you're reading this right now and you currently have a girl with a good heart, take my advice and take care of her, because life doesn't bless you with a good woman twice. 

This hit today 🥰

Reflecting on my life made me realized that I've slowly left people, too, when they weren't giving me peace of mind—that in order for me to be saved from the chaos in my head, I needed to distance myself from certain people. Sometimes we are able to talk about it; other times it just happens. This is me saying that if I no longer give you the peace of mind you once had before, it's all fine to do the same thing. We outgrow others, and at this point of life, we are not only looking for fun and enjoyment. What we crave for is simple and serene life—one that is at ease. Alike me, they all deserve a life that is carefree.

Let them..

 Let them hate. 

Let them carry the jealousy on their smile. 
Let them misplace their anger to your name. 
Let them hide their reality in the rumors. 
Let them wear a mask when staring into your eyes. 
Let them be mad at you for nothing. 
Let them wish failure on your success. 
Let them keep their deceit in their favors. 
Let them hate on your love. 
Let them be them… 
Let people with bad intentions be people with bad intentions. 
Let people who have no intentions on loving and caring for you be who they are. 
Just promise me that you will never let their opinions clog your ears or surrender who you are to who they are projecting you to be. 
Let them hate as long you don’t give it an oounce of attention. 
Let them be and you continue putting your energy into becoming…

difference.