The Right One.

 

The right person for you will not come dressed in perfection, 

they will not always say the right things, they will not kill your insecurities, and

they will not bring sunshine without the clouds.

But….

they will not come to simply receive and

they will not drain you without pouring into you.

They will not be full of promises that they can only keep making but not keeping.

They will not attack your smile and oppress your happiness.

They will not turn your insecurities against you and use blame as their favorite way of communicating.

They will not be so full of uncertainty. 

The right person for you will never make loving right feel so much like wrong timing. 

Instead they will spend time losing excuses and loving you right back. 

The girl I know.

 I looked in the mirror and exhaled deeply.

It had taken me a long time to get to this point..

Blood, sweat and tears?

No, so much more than that.

I’d been beaten down, dragged through the mud and thrown into the fire..and that was just the start.

I made the classic mistakes of giving my heart to all the wrong people in all the wrong ways and every one of those broken roads cut me a little deeper and taught me a little more-

About who I was, where I’d been and what I wanted.

Sure, I hated having my heart broken time and again, but I would never change a thing about all the wrong turns I’d made.

They led me to exactly where I was meant to be-

Standing here, in front of the mirror, beginning to recognize a person I had lost a long time ago..me.

I thought by forging an identity in the people I loved and losing myself in them, I’d be happier and the love would be stronger..

And it never was.

That’s not the way love works, I learned.

Real and lasting love doesn’t ask a person to change into something other than who they are..and I’ve finally started making my way back to myself, where I never should have left to begin with.

It’s been a long journey full of bumps and bruises, falls and failures, but I’m finally starting to recognize the person I’ve been trying to find and love for way too long.

Smiling, I pulled my hair back and swiveled my hips into a fun pose.

“Girl, you’ve been gone way too long! Let’s never do that again..”

I laughed loudly and beamed.

Sometimes, you gotta go through the hard times, try to love the wrong people and learn the difficult lessons to find your way.

It’s been hard, it’s been painful, it’s been full of sadness..

But it’s all been worth it.

I’m on my way home to better, stronger, happier version of myself, and it’s a great feeling.

I’m turning my pain into power, my struggles into my strength and most of all,

My lessons into reasons..

that deep down, I needed to turn my setback into my comeback-

Wiser, stronger and with a deeper love of myself than I’ve ever known.

I took one last look in the mirror, grinning broadly.

“I sure did miss you, girl. Let’s go remind them world why you’re amazing.”

And with a wink and a laugh, I kept moving forward on my journey..

This time, I’m doing it my way.

You are good.

 You are good. 

There is light swimming inside of you even when things are too dark to believe it. 

There is love in your smile.

Beauty dancing in your mind.

Love resting on your tongue, ready to find its way out. 

There’s kindness dwelling in places you don’t realize.

Power you have never known.

You’ve survived so many days in this life, to believe that you are purposeless is unfair. 

The bad, the dark, the negative that seem to call you home will leave 

Heaven is sometimes the new road after hell. 

The bad never last, it doesn’t have feet to keep chasing you forever. 

Rainbows that come after the storm will smile at you eventually.

You will growth roots to climb higher and what was meant to pull you down, you will climb over. 

You deserve the good that everyone else has. You deserve the good you’ve seen just out of reach. 

You are good. 

Despite the weight of the mistakes and haunting voice of failure.

I want to remind you that you are good, there is good in your soul and you will be good.

Her internal Silence.

 She sits alone in silence

And doesn't feel the tears

Flooding forward from her soul

She hasn't, now, in years

The emptiness within her

Surrounds her every day

And echoes with her painful past

Memories just don't fade

Everyone she's loved, she's lost

And so she loves no more

Her darkness finally won the fight

Her soul, it lost the war

She sits alone in silence

And never says a word

All the years she spent screaming

The only one who ever heard

Never cared much, in the end

It was only just a dream

So she sits in silent tears

And, silently, she screams.

The day will come.

 The day will come when tears walking down 

your cheeks will flow from a well of joy. 

 

There will be a day your heart will not have 

its love on standby with the fear that it might be 

resting in the wrong hands. 

 

There will be a day love will hug you 

and you will know that it’s there to hold you.

The day will come when the kisses will taste like peace.

 

A day where your feelings will be considered 

and adjustments will be made 

because of your emotions. 

 

There will be a day where happiness in a relationship 

won’t be a mood but a tree that is well planted and watered. 

There will come a day where being in real love 

will be a dream come true. 

This too shall pass..

 

Heartbreak is an unfortunate part of human life.   And, sometimes, we forget to analyze what's really happening. We dwell in the moment and react as our thoughts dictate.   But, do we know what exactly happens after heartbreak?   When you're broken, your brain registers the emotional pain of heartbreak as well as physical pain.   Remember the saying "Love is a drug"?   This is not just a saying. This is what your hormones do to you when you are in love.   To be more scientific, feel-good hormones like dopamine and oxytocin are released at elevated levels when you're in love.   After heartbreak, these hormones drop and are replaced by the stress hormone, cortisol. Too much cortisol can lead to anxiety, nausea, and many other stress-related issues.   That's why it's important to take a step back and think, at least for your health.   "This too shall pass" is NOT just a quote.   Let me tell you why.   If you keep this saying in mind and put effort to move forward during the heartbreak, over time, your general stress will reduce and you'll feel and be better.    Healing will slowly move in and you'll grow out of the experience.   And that's why I always tell people to look for good insights, as it helps you to avoid making blind decisions that will keep you broken.

The BIG G.

 The guilt you are carrying is too heavy… 

It is too heavy for your shoulders,
taking up too much space in your mind, 
and too much of a burden for your soul. 

The guilt you are carrying is poison eating you alive, slowly piece by piece. 
A cancer that is a threat to your joy.
A bullet that will cause every bit of hope to bleed out of your life. 

The guilt you are carrying is killing you. 
It is a false responsibility that has charmed you, manipulating you into letting it stay, and building a home on a land it should never have access to. 

The guilt you are carrying are not meant to be held, but to be buried.

You cannot change what has been done, you can only change what is to come. 

Carry the lessons of the past, the ones hidden in your mistakes, the ones that flourished from the past experiences, the ones the pain whispered to you. 

Carry nothing more than that.
The shame, the embarrassment, the hurt and all that has given birth to... the guilt you are carrying is in the past. 

Let go of the guilt, it will let go of you.

It will be okay.

 It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay for your shoulders to grow tired from carrying mountains.

It’s okay for your eyes to become weary from being the dam, keeping the tears from flooding.

It’s okay to be weak at times when you’ve been strong for so long.

It’s okay to openly bleed from the knives that’ve buried themselves in your back.

It’s okay to break down from a break up.

It’s okay to admit that sadness has highjacked your mind, and that happiness is hard to desire some days.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s only not okay when you remain not okay.

The bad in this life will always find us.

When it comes, we shouldn’t pretend as if it never did.

We must learn to find the good in it, or learn how to get better after processing the worst.

I'll be me.

 From walking home and talking loads

To seeing shows in evening clothes with you
From nervous touch and getting drunk
To staying up and waking up with you

Now we're sleeping near the edge
Holding something we don't need
All this delusion in our heads
Is gonna bring us to our knees

So come on, let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?

Everything that's broke
Leave it to the breeze
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?

And I'll be me

From throwing clothes across the floor
To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you
If this is all we're living for
Why are we doing it, doing it, doing it anymore?

I used to recognize myself
It's funny how reflections change
When we're becoming something else
I think it's time to walk away

So come on, let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?

Everything that's broke
Leave it to the breeze
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?

And I'll be me

Tryna fit your hand inside mine
When we know it just don't belong
'Cause no force on earth
Could make it feel right, no, woah

Tryna push this problem up the hill
When it's just too heavy to hold
Think now's the time to let it slide

So come on, let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?

Everything that's broke
Leave it to the breeze
Let the ashes fall
Forget about me

Come on, let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?

And I'll be me..

- Amos Lee

I've heard that pain.

 Let your scars breathe, let them speak. 

They don’t exist to be a blanket that covers your faults, your insecurities, those memories that know how to wipe the smile off your face. 

Let your scars breathe, let them live. 

They are meant to be a reminder that the strength flowing through your veins is real, that pain came, but it couldn’t stay. 

They are meant to be stories rather than your reality. 

Let your scars breathe. When we hide them, we sometimes forget not to become them. 

Sometimes we even walk ourselves under the knives that caused them. 

Let your scars breathe.

That is how they breathe a better life into you.

She was not crazy..

 

She was not crazy,
she was a victim of your narcissism,
finally free from being a puppet to your
manipulation.
She was not crazy,
she was awakened to the reality of who you are,
growing aware of the deceit your mouth
had fed her ears.

When did she go crazy?
When she realized her worth and came to the
conclusion that she should not be in
competition to feel important to a so-called
lover?
When she stopped begging for consistency or
demanding it, but found her way out of this
love circus instead of carrying your promises
in the center of her heart, waiting for the day
that you would fulfill them?
Was it when she started to doubt your secrecy,
refusing to title it privacy when for you, it was
nothing but a way to do your dirt in silence?
Was it when your empty "I love you" started
to feel like bullet wounds to her?

She grew bolder, but you created this minds
game to make her feel foolish for coming to
her senses.
You convinced yourself that you were playing
chess, trying to out-think her moves instead of
joining hands with her and making your play
about protecting your queen.

Crazy is the woman who loves blindly with
itching ears, accepting of everything.
Crazy is the woman who sees how her heart is
being tortured and decides to stay to take care
of yours. Crazy is the woman who does anything
for love even when that love does nothing good
for her.

She is many things, but crazy woman is not
one whose blood boils with frustration for
being fooled. it is not a woman whose eyes
carry anger after being punished for loving too
hard, and it is definitely not a woman who is
smart enough to recognize your game and
demand an audible out, or she will quit.

The problem is not that she's as crazy as you
claim. It is just that she was not crazy enough
to leave you long before...

I have heard.

 I have heard that pain has its way of getting its nose into love’s business. 

That love walks around with pain, like babysitting younger siblings it doesn’t want following it around. 

Despite what I’ve heard, I’ve seen different. 

Pain has always been the absence of love in my eyes. 

I’ve only heard people say “Love is pain” when the love is no longer there, and pain is all they can see where love used to be. 

Love isn’t pain. It’s quite the opposite. 

Love comes with handfuls of healing, making sure there is enough to wash over the pain that was there before it. 

Love always shows up to wipe the tears and clean up the mess pain made. 

Love and pain are not friends, they are strangers who often acknowledge each other and nothing more. 

Love will not be perfect, but it will never plant hurt into your heart and give pain reasons to find roots in your soul. 

Pain doesn’t teach us what love is, it only reminds us what to stay away from. Love is what teaches us what love is. 

It shows us what to keep desiring after once we learn what we don’t need.

Elevate Yourself.

 

When you outgrow people,

they will make you feel guilty for outgrowing them.

They'll try to make you responsible for their lack

 instead of choosing to elevate higher.

The thing about life is that it goes on regardless of

who comes with you. 

This is it.

 Yes,

You are strong enough to survive this.

I know it seems like your world is over and maybe you can’t find the light right now, but hang in there. 

I know your soul is weary and you feel like you can’t keep going, but don’t stop.

Your happiness may seem so far away, but it’s not as far as you might think.

Yes, the nights can be long and you don’t have any answers, but you don’t have to.

Breathe.

Take a moment and remember what all you’ve survived before now.

You’ve been through the fire and always found your way..your courage has been forged in the fire that tried to take you down.

Remember that- you’re a warrior who will continue to rise again.

It’s time to find your magic again and listen to your heart.

It knows the way, but you’ve gotten so weary that you’ve lost the path.

If you’ve lost faith in yourself and your strength is waning, know that you’re not alone.

You’re loved, you’re enough and I believe in you.

It’s always darkest before dawn and this is your time to start again.

Every end is a new beginning and your next chapter will be magical..

You just have to start believing in you like I do.

Like all the people in your life do.

I know you’re reading this and wondering how you’ll make it through this, but I’m telling you..

You got this.

You are meant for more than to simply fizzle out like a dampened flicker of light.

You’re a wildfire capable of setting your soul and life on fire again.

Take my hand and let’s start climbing out of the darkness, day by day.

I know you’ve been looking for a sign, something to believe in..

Well, this is it.

Today is your wake up call and this is where you start again- you’re strong enough and you’re worth it.

It won’t be easy and it won’t be fast, but it will change your life if you’re ready.

These words were meant for you.

Are you ready to start again?

Believe, darlin..in you, your destiny and most of all, in that you are meant for more.

Beginning today..get up, step up and start remembering the magic and dreams you lost along the way.

Anything’s possible if you just believe..

And I believe in you.❤️

The Path. 🥾

 She had finally started to realize that every happily ever after wasn’t the same for everyone.

She was sure that some fairy tales involved glass slippers and white picket fences, but that was never her path.

She was a strong willed, feisty and headstrong woman that didn’t just accept whatever life gave her..

No, she wasn’t okay with anything less than what she knew she deserved.

She was worth the best and would spare nothing to get what she wanted.

It might mean strapping on some boots, putting in some work and fighting for what she wanted, but if that’s what it took, so be it, she was willing to pay the price for her dreams.

Her path had never been an easy one, and she thrived under the pressure of challenges.

She saw the magical stories of true love, romance and Prince Charming and shook her head.

Who did that ever happen to, anyways?

She wasn’t holding out for a hero, she was the heroine of her own story..

She made her own magic and created her own opportunities and no man would change anything about who she was.

She didn’t need to be saved, fixed or changed..she loved her flaws and imperfections, right down to all of her jagged edges and curvy beauty.

No, she was used to fighting for what she wanted- nothing she wanted ever came easy, and she knew love would be no exception.

She didn’t seek the spotlight, because she shined from within..her scars told the story of her ability to overcome every fire that had tried to bring her down

And she was still standing strong, ready for the next disaster or terrible day.

She didn’t expect life to be all rainbows and sunshine but welcomed the beautiful parts of life with open arms when it showed up.

She would never find her worth in another person- she would find it within herself and then the person worthy of her love would show up when the time was right.

So, she continued to do what warriors do..

She fought-

For her life, for her dreams, and even for love, if necessary.

Forget the stories about glass slippers and fairy tale endings..

Her story was one of a kind.

She was both the beauty and the beast..

And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Loss on You.

 She gave him everything, even more than she thought she could give..

And it still didn’t matter.

She sacrificed and gave her all for the sake of their relationship and him..

But it wasn’t enough.

She put him and his needs first, always being there when he needed her, without question.

But that didn’t change what happened.

As the night closed in around her, all she could feel was the overwhelming heaviness of her heart breaking.

She had broken her own heart trying to hold onto a man that just didn’t care about her the way she did about him.

All she did, all she was, all she gave didn’t matter to him in the end.

He left without even looking back, leaving her with questions she knew she might never know the answer to.

She wondered why as the pain turned over in her mind and heart, over and over..

Where had she failed and what was wrong with her?

She almost couldn’t breathe as the weight of the heartache felt almost suffocating.

Tears streaming down her face, she stood up to look in the mirror.

Wiping her face, she stared at the tearstained face of a woman who just wanted to be loved.

She was tired of being let down and love shattering her heart into countless pieces.

She grimaced at the reflection she saw.

This is not where she had thought she would be so many years ago as a younger woman with high hopes and a bright future.

Heartache and dead end love had nearly torn her down into nothing..

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She couldn’t do this anymore.

She deserved better than to spend all these nights crying her heart out over men that didn’t really care about her.

She had a choice to make- either continue to make the same mistakes over and over, ending up in this same place...

Or choose a different path.

Her heart was tired and her soul was weary.

She was done letting life and love cast her aside because she continued to settle.

She decided to stop chasing love at all costs and to do the things that made her happy.

Living for love had done nothing but cause her pain and sadness.

It would be a different road than she had been on, but she had to change the way she was living.

She wasn’t happy and continuing to do the things and love the men that made her upset wasn’t going to make her happy.

She had to ask herself the hard questions and begin to try to understand what made her soul happy.

She honestly didn’t know anymore, it had been so long since she hadn’t been trying to please someone else.

She hadn’t ever really tried to find herself because she had always been too busy trying to make some man happy.

That was changing, starting now.

Maybe she didn’t know where she was going or how to get there, but she’d figure it out..

But for the first time in her life, she was living for herself..

It would be hard and she didn’t really know how, but she’d figure it out along the way.

Maybe she’d get lost and lose her way, but at least she was doing it her way.

She had finally realized that she would always be more than enough..

Today, tomorrow and forever.

Her life, her way, her rules.

Finally free to seek what made her soul happy.

To my past ...🥂

 Even as you were hurting me, I was finding all the reasons why it was okay.

The things you said and the way you treated me shattered my heart in countless pieces as you wreaked emotional havoc on me.

The worst part of it wasn’t that you did it or that I allowed it, but that I rationalized your anger and emotional abuse.

My friends would beg me to leave and do everything they could to help free me from our toxic relationship.

But I was so lost in survival mode that I couldn’t exist in any place other than where I currently was, where felt safe..and leaving it all behind..

Well, that scared me.

What if I wasn’t strong enough, what if you came after me..those were some of the questions that made my heart race in fear.

But truthfully, you don’t know how strong you truly are until being strong is the only option you have..

And on that last morning, you finally pushed me so far that I knew I could never forgive you. 

Your rage consumed you and somehow, you tried to make me believe it was my fault.

That was the moment the clouds broke and something snapped in me.

If I didn’t escape this toxicity, it would take everything from me, possibly even  the breaths from my lungs.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and decided..no more.

I waited for the fear and uncertainty to set in ..but it never did.

I took such good care of you.. I knew I gave my all and tried again and again.. the thought of leaving you would cause my heart to hurt like it had so many times in the past..

But the pain never came ..

I was finally numb- you had pushed me to the point where I just didn’t care anymore.

I sat staring quietly at you as your eyes flashed red with the familiar ire of your dreadful rage.

Silently and deliberately , I looked out that bathroom window slowly and wistfully shook my head at your temporarily subsiding debacle..

I knew I wouldn’t, but that’s all I could think of in those tense moments as I tried to maintain my composure.

The day that changed my life, I closed the door to my dead end past and opened my heart and soul to new possibilities.

I still had a long hard road ahead, but finally, I was something I hadn’t been in a long time.

Free...

You broke my heart, you betrayed me.

All the things I loss on you. 

I’ll never forgive you.

To my past.. 🥂 

Actually Living

 Life comes with the terrible days, the sadness, the

loneliness, the problems, the hurt, and so on. 

It will always be an unfair journey with plenty of

opportunities to make it fair.

Your feet are not meant to run from the bad,

the bad shouldn't be more than the part of life that

helps your weakness face their death.

In the voice of the victors, you will always hear the

echo of past challenges and circumstances.

Life doesn't just give people roses without the labor 

of planting and cuts from handling the thorns.

There's life beyond the tough times, but you must

walk through the tough days to find it. 

Your Being

Your existence is a gift to this world,

The breaths you take are oxygen to this planet,

Your smile brings joy to this universe.

You are tomorrow's favorite thing to look for.

Your creator did not plant you here to let doubts

grow roots and wrap their arms around you

forcing you down.

He did not give you life for you to live so dead.

You are special, search for the courage and

endurance to discover what's special about you

that the world needs.